This is one my favorite scenes from the movie, Hannah and her sisters. Kip I hope you see my blog because I know you are a Woody Allen fan. Woody's character has been having a crisis of faith throughout the entire movie and has tried all kinds of religions trying to find something that resonates with him when he finally reaches a moment when he feels he cannot go on with his life with the fear of death hanging over him.
It reminds me of something that I went through in my mid twenties. I went through a period of hypochondria and I became kind of convinced that I had lupus or a brain tumor. I began having panic attacks and couldn't even drive by a funeral home near my house without freaking out. I was sure that I was dying even though my doctor couldn't find anything wrong with me (and was getting really irritated with me) I was really racking up the doctor's bills. Eventually, I went to this woman's mental health clinic where they charged on a sliding scale. The therapist, who was probably a student doing her field placement, asked what the problem was and I told her that I was scared of dying and she said "don't you think everyone is scared of dying?" Well that had never occurred to me to be honest and just knowing that everybody felt that way made me feel a whole lot better. It is so important for us to know that we are not kooks but so often we think we are alone in what we feel. I saw in the paper that Heather Locklear was pulled over for suspicion of driving under the influence and the article mentioned that she had been in some kind of program for anxiety and depression recently. It seems that none of us are safe from anxiety, depression, fear of getting older and fear of death, no matter how beautiful or famous. If you have ever seen the movie Brian's Song, you know that in the opening scene the narrator says, "Ernest Hemmingway once wrote that all true stories end in death, this is a true story." Very sad movie! The fact is regardless of what comes next, our lives are true stories, rich, poor, famous, homeless, we all share the same ending (so there, Donald Trump get over yourself), at least to this life on earth, what comes next? That is a topic for another blog.
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3 comments:
I loved the line: "I need to stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never going to get and just enjoy it." Can I get an amen? I think the older I get, the more I've come around to this way of thinking. I tend to over-analyze everything, so I've had to come to terms with that and try to just let things go. Easier said than done sometimes. We're all going to die. I could die tomorrow for all I know. I'm not scared to die, I really don't want to just yet!
This blog is very interesting. I too think about dying at times. When I was sick death was always a thought because I did not know whether I would overcome the illness that I had. I would have dreams of seeing my family at my funeral. Death is something we all got to face one day. When I think about it, it's like I think about it so deep that my heart starts to beat fast. Just the thought of knowing that we all got to leave here one day with no more laughing, being with family, and just enjoying life. I think the best way that I deal with the thought of it is praying and living my life the best way I can.
I think the question of 'what comes next' may be part of the answer as to why we fear death (assuming we do, in fact, fear death). I'm a life-long hypochondriac (though this has gradually improved as I have gotten older) and as a child, every little pain meant a heart attack and every little 'bump' was a tumor. I must have driven my parents crazy (okay, there's no 'must have' to it). Hell, I wouldn't know how to react to my child on their hands and knees in the floor, crying and begging to be taken to the doctor over seemingly nothing. However, I think the reason my hypochondria has improved is that I have discovered and addressed the source of the issue. I was afraid of death because of the fear of the 'unknown.' Another way to address this would be to say that I was very uncertain in my religious faith, and therefore had no concept of what (I believed) would happen to me when I died. Actually, my latest blog (which is five days late due to the subject at hand) is going to address this subject matter a bit, as last week I had a near-death experience in which I had a solid hour or so to give these things a lot of thought (sorry for the shameless self-promotion).
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